We opened 2021 with the news of a flight attendant that was discovered dead at a bath tub in a Makati hotel. The public particularly in social media devoured the news as if they were following a TV series so the media went into a frenzy and took advantage of the public’s interest, published click-bait titles without due regard to the parties involved.
Rape culture
Many took interest in the case because the deceased was one we might call “pretty” if viewed through the lens of the stereotypical Filipino culture where white skin, long straight black hair, tall height and slim body are considered qualities of a beautiful woman, no thanks to the rampant advertisements that blackmailed the public into this kind of thinking.
The possibility of a rape-slay was put forward by the police handling the case, which quickly divided the public into those who think rape is the fault of the woman, and those who think rape is the fault of the rapist.
“She shouldn’t have been drinking alone with men.”
“She shouldn’t have worn sexy clothes.”
It’s so sad that until now many still think this way. If a man drinks alone with a woman, is such situation dangerous for the man? No, right? Then why it is considered dangerous for a woman?
True, men are physically/biologically stronger than women but a single man can still be taken advantaged of by 11 women. So, no, being a woman, or a man, or a gay is not a reason why rape exist. There is rape because there is a rapist.
But also, just because rape is not the victim’s fault doesn’t mean we have to be complacent. I believe rape is the fault of the rapists but I will also not encourage any woman to go about walking alone in the night or put herself into a situation that may lead to rape just because I believe rape is purely the rapist’s doing. We live in a society where dark beings exist. People who have childhood issues and grew up with evil thoughts still exist. So, while we shouldn’t dishonor the deceased by blaming her if she was indeed raped, we should also be careful on the kind of messages we are sending to young women. We should be careful not to give them the wrong notion that just because we cannot be faulted if rape happens doesn’t mean we cannot be raped. As such, we still need to guide and protect each other, look after one another.
Misogyny
Most, if not all of the respondents in the case are gay. People on social media are abuzz with judgments, some saying being gay is not a good defense for rape, that a gay man can just turn into a man all of a sudden and develop an interest to a woman. Some said a gay man will never ever consider having sex with a woman.
This case showed how much we lack understanding of the LGBTQI community. I advocate for gay rights but I also admit that I am not that knowledgeable about their situations more so their sexuality. I mean, I cannot sit in front of a gay friend who is struggling with discrimination or acceptance from his/her family and tell him/her “I know what you feel” because no, I don’t know what they are going through, at least the depths of it. I only know that they are unfairly judged and misunderstood.
Whilst it can be a possibility that a bisexual person (someone who can get attracted to a man or a woman) was there at the private party and took advantage of the vulnerability of the deceased, it’s not fair to make conclusive judgement that all the gays present there can all of a sudden change their sexual preference and commit rape.
Having said that, and considering that some evil men can pretend to be gay just to get close to and take advantage of women, it’s still better if we remain cautious all the time when dealing with people with an opposite sex. And by saying this, it goes both ways too. Men must be cautious in dealing with a lesbian, and women must be cautious in dealing with a gay, especially if they don’t know each other that well.
Incompetence of some police officers
Some people said that the PNP only used this case to their advantage so that they can appear as heroes after their institution was marred with issues last year. I disagree. I think it’s only right for the PNP to assume a foul play especially that they saw bruises on the victim. A further investigation is the right thing to do. What was not right was for the PNP reveal so much unconfirmed matters which led to the “social media prosecution” of the alleged suspects.
If those “suspects” turn out to be innocent, they were unnecessarily put into a humiliating, mind-numbing situation by no less than the PNP. The media is equally responsible because they took advantage of the narrative assumed by the PNP, even wrote headlines that appeared as if there was indeed a rape-slay, all for the money and without due consideration to its effects on the “suspects”. There are media outlets that I support because I thought they are progressive so I was extremely disappointed that they took part in the sensationalization of the case by using unverified information and presumptions.
Given past events where cases brought to the fore of the public were subjected to public judgments or “trial by social media”, the PNP should be more careful in handling cases, particularly in spreading unfounded accusations, so that cases won’t blow right out to their faces. The PNP in this case put its institution to unnecessary shame because it revealed loopholes into its investigation.
Lastly, a lot of people blame the deceased’s mother for causing so much noise which magnified the case and turn it into a “national issue” because everyone seemed to be talking about it, everything there is to write about the deceased is picked up by the media.
In my opinion, if I as a mom believed with all my heart that my daughter was raped, then I would do anything to bring her justice. Using the media is a good strategy because it will pressure the parties concerned to not sleep on the case because people are watching. So, I can’t blame the mother for using the media and the public’s interest to her advantage.
But also, I think it’s worth considering the available information in deciding whether to fight the case up to this magnitude or fight my battles privately in court without the media lens. Given that the first autopsy revealed that the vaginal laceration was “old”, or that available CCTV showed the deceased kissing a man, if I was the immediate family, I would do my best not to subject the deceased into the public’s unfair judgment particularly on issues surrounding her sexuality. But that’s just me.